For the newbies who want a dog "without much hassle", here's a
likely scenario for you and your brand new puppy. Note that this is not out of the ordinary!
Very early morning (about 3 am):
Take puppy out of crate and let it out to pee. Pup goes out, plays, comes in, pees on living room carpet. Say "No, puppy!"
and rush dog outside on leash this time. He pees, you praise. Get out carpet cleaning machine and clean carpet. Dig puppy
out of couch cushions, where he hid when you switched on loud carpet cleaner. Put puppy back in crate. Go to bed. Get up and
put carpet cleaner where puppy can't see it to stop loud, incessant barking.
Take puppy out for pee. Feed breakfast and give water. Conduct short training session - attempt to teach puppy to Sit while
puppy is trying to lick your ears.
During your breakfast:
Clean up puppy vomit and urine. Change your clothes.
Before going to work:
Take puppy out to pee again. Put in crate with blankie and soothing toy.
home. Learn that a baby puppy can't always hold it for three hours straight. Clean out crate, throw blankie in wash. Take
puppy out for pee. Feed puppy. Take short training break - attempt to teach puppy to Sit at the same time you teach him not
to nip your hands. Before you leave, take puppy out to pee again. Eat your lunch in car.
home. Puppy was again not physically able to hold it for so many hours. (Resist urge to punish puppy, wring his neck, etc.)
Take puppy out to pee. Play with puppy for half an hour. Carry puppy back inside after he falls asleep during playing. Clean
up crate. Put sleeping puppy in crate. Put blankie in dryer. When puppy wakes up, you're in the bathroom or something - you
miss his waking up. Clean up pee in crate, because he needs to go RIGHT AWAY after he wakes up. Rinse puppy off, because he
pooped too, and rolled in it. Rinse off floor, because when you opened the crate he ran out and tracked poo and pee all over
the kitchen. Take puppy out to pee and poo. Notice that he tracked poo into the living room, too; get carpet cleaner out.
Stop puppy from attacking carpet cleaner; put puppy in crate and put crate in another room while you clean up mess.Let puppy out of crate to run around. Clean up pee in corner, and find stain to match
scratches puppy made in antique mahogany armoire when he tried to chew it when you weren't looking. To prevent future adventures
of the same ilk, attach one end of rope to puppy and the other end to your belt loop while you do chores indoors. Chores take
twice as long to do because you now have a little helper. Move all noxious chemicals from bottom shelves to top shelves immediately
after puppy tries to carry around bleach bottle but instead punctures bottle with sharp puppy teeth and tries to drink contents.Take
puppy out to pee every hour.When puppy nips, teach the puppy that this
is WRONG. Repeat over and over again until you have a splitting headache. Puppy still nips.When puppy gets overactive, take
puppy out to pee and then unleash it and put it in its crate. Sleep might follow - what are the odds? When puppy wakes up,
rush it outside to pee.
puppy is tethered to you and while you are playing with it, it takes hold of a table leg and starts to chew. You correct it
while it's in the act of chewing and give it a proper chew toy, and praise it when it chews the toy. Repeat a dozen times
before the puppy finally turns around and pees. Rush puppy outside, then come back in and clean up pee. Clean up puppy, who
fell asleep in the middle of peeing. Continue taking puppy out every hour or so. Discontinue puppy's access to water for the
Try to stop puppy from climbing in the toilet as you are sitting on the toilet in question.
puppy for last pee break, play with him a little, give him a BIG cuddle and put him in his crate. Kneel by your bed and pray
that someday, soon, this puppy will grow up. Look over at crate beside your bed and see sweet, precious, little puppy boy,
cuddled up with his freshly washed blankie and his dolly, and remember why you're doing this - you're doing it for your best
friend, your dog.
set your alarm clock for three, so you can take the puppy out and start this wonderful day all over again.